楼主
1. There is a journey compared to which the travels of Bunyan’s hero were a summer-evening’s stroll. 这一句重点是理解什么是夏日傍晚的闲逛，是the travels of Bunyan’s hero 而不是a journey。
2. brown derby atilt at an angle of ninety 可以翻译成：头上端正地戴着棕礼帽。
3. until, haggard, weary, digestion shattered, complexion gone 这句中digestion shattered翻译成胃口尽失就行了，消化系统怎样怎样不太符合汉语的表达习惯。
4. Not for her the impenetrable mysteries of a hamburger and onions.
汉堡配洋葱对她来说也算不上什么难以理解的神秘事物。感觉要比翻译成不适合她贴切。
5. She had the last number of the Dry Goods Review
主要问题在the last number 上，最后一本不太合适。翻译成：她看着最近一期的《织物评论》。
6. she had become past mistress in the fine art of congealing the warm advances of fresh and friendly salesmen of the opposite sex.
这一句比较复杂，理解起来也有些难度。advances : attempts to start a sexual relationship with sb. 有勾引，求爱，追求的意思。所以翻译成：她才会在拒绝清新而友善的异性销售员的殷勤时轻车熟路。